Employers Beware: “Demure” Got a Makeover and Just Walked Into Your Office
This weekend, I learned about a new TikTok trend that had me counting down the days until I hear about it from an employer.
TikTok creator Jools Lebron created a viral video, which I read about in the NYT here, called How to be demure and modest and respectful in the work place [sic].
It offers tips about to how to be demure, or “cutesy” or respectful at work.
Though I majored in English, I double-checked, made sure I knew the correct definition of “demure.”
I do. After all, I read Jane Austen, the Brontes, and I know the stereotype.
Anyway, the Times asked some of its employees about the word’s meaning, and …there were a lot of interpretations.
From sipping coffee to flossing in the office (ew!), “demure” has expanded beyond its traditional definition of modesty or reserve to include a wide range of behaviors, many of them tied to self-presentation at work.
One employee said:
Demure is not bold and flashy. It’s tucking your hair behind your ear. It’s a Peter Pan collar. It’s nibbling on some raspberries!
What??
Oh, I know. I am so showing my age!
Young Employees May Shape Workplace Culture
As we have seen over the past several years, social media trends can shape workplace behaviors and expectations, especially for Gen Z.
Even though the original definition of “demure” refers to reserved behavior, online media communities have redefined it to encompass a wide variety of behaviors and choices that emphasize mindfulness, simplicity, and non-assertiveness.
Perhaps we can view this appropriation of language as an opportunity to foster inclusive workplaces that allow for self-expression.
And, perhaps employers want to be aware of the potential for a lawsuit.
Demure? Are You Kidding Me? Keep It Out Of The Workplace!
While employers want to purge outdated workplace policies that may relate back to a more obsolete time or rigid interpretations of professionalism (hello, Don Draper!), this particular cultural trend may cause a lawsuit.
Discrimination based on gender stereotypes, i.e., how a person should look, dress, and act, is illegal under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the federal anti-discrimination statute prohibiting sex discrimination.
In the specific context of sex stereotyping, in the seminal case of Price Waterhouse v. Hopkins (490 US 228 (1989), the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) held,
[A]n employer who acts on the basis of a belief that a woman cannot be aggressive, or that she must not be, has acted on the basis of gender… An employer who objects to aggressiveness in women but whose positions require this trait places women in an intolerable and impermissible Catch-22: out of a job if they behave aggressively and out of a job if they do not. Title VII lifts women out of this bind.
No one says it better than SCOTUS.
Allegations of stereotyping on the basis of sex will usually suffice to survive a motion to dismiss.
Employer Takeaway
Employers, be aware, be careful. If “just kidding” or “it was only a joke” does not excuse sexual harassment, it will not excuse the impact of telling someone, who may not be on TikTok, that oooh, they were so demure in a meeting.
Don’t @ me for this….